My name is Jacinta, I’m currently living in Melbourne, Australia. My personal blog on Tumblr is www.hope-movement.tumblr.com. You can also find me on Twitter and Facebook. The most important thing you will ever learn about me is that I am a new creation. I am nothing of what I once was, but so much more; through the grace, love and mercy of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I am a non-denominational Christian, and I am still a work in progress. And will continue to be until I meet my maker. I am forever thankful for the opportunity to continually renew my relationship with Him daily, and spend my most quiet and intimate moments with Him- sharing my heart, as one would with their Father. I am blessed to have been called by Him.

Things I Like:
I adore thrift stores, op-shops, second hand and pre-loved goods, vintage clothing, old books, polaroids, trinkets and little treasures. Delving into God’s word, devotionals, worship, prayer and journaling. Nature, sunshine, luscious green grass, daisies, owls, beetles and climbing trees. Bike rides on a summer afternoon, picnics and road trips with beautiful people and surfing without having to wear a wetsuit because the water is so warm. Live music, long conversations, text messages and hand written letters. Freckles, curls, dark hair, long eye lashes, laughter, hair ribbons, knitted jumpers, woollen socks, gentle hugs, bunny rabbits and cups of tea. And certainly, meeting new people.

Testimonial:
I was born and raised into a non-christian home, where the name of God was used generally in the wrong context, and out of frustration. Funnily enough though, my parents always gave me the opportunity when I was a child to make my own choices about what I wanted to believe. My grandmother was very much a follower, believer and lover of Christ, and attended church often- and yes, whilst my parents gave me a choice to ‘believe’ in whatever it was that I so desired, they did not give me a choice as to whether or not I could ‘act’ on my belief.

I spent my primary school years growing up, living life, and doing regular childhood things. My mother worked night shift as a doctor in the emergency ward at the hospital, and my father was away fortnightly for a managerial job. Though we were separated a lot of the time, our family was very close, very loving and very supportive. I was blessed in having a safe place at home that I could go to. Due to my parents working a lot, we were often having ‘sleep overs’ or ‘hang outs’ with nanna and poppa, who both played vital and important roles in shaping who I am today. We would go on picnics, packing a piece of ham, a biscuit, a muesli bar and a piece of cheese- my nanna would make tea, and I would pack a drink bottle filled with cordial. We would set off across paddocks, down rivers and dirt roads, it was never far- but she always encouraged my adventurous side. And my poppy- well, he just whistled, loved me, and took me fishing often.

It wasn’t until the 29th of September 1998 that I realised what death was, and how it made me feel. My poppa passed away, soon followed on November 21st, by my nanna. Two of my most loved people were gone within the space of three months. My mind found it near impossible to understand- and so I chose not to, I shut myself off and ignored how I felt, ignored the pain, ignored my inability to understand and pretended to be fine, just like everyone else seemed to be… for many years.

I was a popular child, many friends, many outings, great experiences, never alone, never teased and never experienced what it was like to have someone turn their back on me. On the 7th of January, my final year of primary school, my dad was late for my birthday party… He was never late. It was then that I knew something was wrong, something had happened… But being good at pretending I was fine, I pushed my thoughts and feelings to the side and ‘enjoyed’ my day. That night I woke up to yelling, screaming and shouting- It was surreal to me… My parents NEVER fought. I could hear my mum sobbing, and the sound of that alone broke my heart. I creaked my door open a touch to listen- and that was the night I realised, my parents were getting a divorce. My dad was leaving- and there was no ‘talking about it’ or ‘second chances’. He had been cheating on my mum with a younger woman from his work for over three years, without even so much as a clue. My dad went to the bedroom and re-packed his work bag… I raced to my brother and sisters bedroom and dragged them from their beds, they didn’t understand until they saw dad standing at the door- I never said goodbye, I never said I love you… I just watched him walk away from me.

My family is strong, we regrouped, we stood together and we believed we would make it and be just fine. Being the youngest of the family, I followed suit and tried to do what everyone believed was the best thing to do… Forget. But I didn’t. In that moment, between him walking out the door and me standing there realising he didn’t think I was important enough to try, to stay, to fight… I lost all my confidence. I went from being an outgoing, crazy and loud child, to retreating into my shell and remaining there for several years. - I went into high school, stuck to my small friendship group, limited my social activity and never said a boo to anyone. I began eating and comforting myself with food, and gained a great deal of weight, finding a different kind of ‘feeling full’… Searching to be full of love, but instead, feeling full of food. My mum became emotionless, she spent her days cleaning, her nights working, and when she wasn’t doing either- she was drinking.. She spiralled out of control and became abusive. My brother and older sister had both by this stage resorted to smoking marijuana together, and my sister was dabbling in all kinds of other drugs. Some might say now, God protected me being so young. I saw many things growing up- and watched my sister overdose on heroin right in front of my brother and I. We were raised to be medically aware thanks to mum and called an ambulance. Her heart stopped beating for a minute and thirty seconds…. I began to wish mine would. Through my brothers abusive mood swings and cravings for drugs he couldn’t afford, my sisters crazy lifestyle, ignoring me and forgetting my name because she was so high on anything and everything she could take to escape reality… and my mums new found abusive nature through her abusive actions of drinking to the point of being somewhat incoherent, I found myself too young to understand, and too young to know how to find help… In the back of my mind constantly the thought of killing myself and not having to worry about it anymore- weighed, and weighed, and weighed.

I began spending more time at school, staying back late, spending time in the music wing, the art rooms, the dark room, anything where I could put my positive giftings to work and not be at home. That year, my grandma passed away- my mum didn’t attend the funeral, but my brother, sister and I went, and they were celebrating… They were joyous that she was going to ‘Heaven’… “Ha” I thought.. “Heaven, yeah, if there was a God… I wouldn’t be going through this crap”… But there was something inside me that knew there was a God, and that grandma truly did know what she was talking about. I didn’t cry at her funeral… I loved her, I wished she would stay… But I didn’t cry, just smiled and was glad for her that she found a way out.. It was at the funeral, whilst eating a sandwich that I met Louise- I knew of her, she went to my school… She had a a lot of friends, she was beautiful, smart, talented, wonderful and such a lovely person… I suppose part of me wished i could be like her, and here she was… Talking to me. She asked if I’d like to hang out, get to know one another etc. We lived two blocks from one another and I thought “Hey, she has it all… and she wants to hang out with me… YES”… So I started spending a lot of time with her, mini golf, swimming, surfing, movies, shopping etc. Finally she asked me to sleep over, and without hesitation I was blurting out a big fat “YES OH MY GOSH I’D LOVE TO!!!”….. And this is where God really started making His move.

We ate popcorn, watched movies and laughed all night, she was amazing, she didn’t judge me, make me feel uncomfortable or make me think about what I was going through at home at all. She shared with me about her church and how there were a lot of young people from our school that went there, and how she goes to this thing called ‘youth group’ where they have a band, play games and talk about God, share how their lives have changed and just hang out and love life… It was all fascinating to me, but in the back of my mind played the thought “You aren’t good enough, you’re not confident enough, you can’t do something like that”… We fell asleep talking about how God had turned her and her families life around, and for the first time in a while, I fell asleep with a smile on my face- I am sure..

“WAKE UP WAKE UP ITS TIME TO RISE AND SHINE” — Her dad BURSTS through the door at 7am in the morning. “OHH Didn’t Louise tell you!? The rules of sleep overs are, if you stay over on a saturday night you come to church with us sunday morning”…. Oh gosh, my heart went tight, and I began to feel a rush of self conscious emotions and fears… But there I was, and there I stayed. We went to church, a little bit late, and I asked if Louise and I could sit in the back row. We did… The band was singing about Jesus, God, love, praising Him, and all kinds of weird but, sort of cool things… It wasn’t until Pastor Glenn stood up and started speaking about the sacrifice, about Gods choice to sacrifice His only son, that I may have the opportunity to have life, and to know Him. He spoke about God being the father that never walks away, never leaves, never forsakes, and you can always trust and rely on Him through all things that He will bring you through… I noticed Louise was looking at me, and I whispered ‘what’…. she said “You’re crying…?” - I didn’t realise, but three tears had run down my cheeks without me noticing.. The soft music began to play and the pastor spoke whilst looking at me, yes- he made eye contact… He somehow knew, and he said “You have had your heart broken and you’ve placed it in the back of your chest, hoping no one would find it and desire to put it back together again- and to fill the void…. But God sees your heart, He sees those cracks, and He longs to make whole what this life has broken and taken from you..” —- bam, I was crying my eyes out and I felt warm, tingly, and this crazy need came over me to go and receive prayer. I met my personal saviour, Jesus Christ, on that morning… June 16th 2001. Suddenly I found this family, this place where I felt embraced every time I walked in the door… I found my true home.

For years, I spent my days with my youth mentor, with Louise, and more importantly, with God. My heart was ignited, on fire, and passionate to know my Saviour more and more. I delved into my bible, into youth group and into understanding who God was and what He wanted from me. I committed my life to Him, 100%. It was a personal choice I had made- and my family hated it. “You’re brainwashed”… “You’re just making excuses for yourself, it’s a waste of time”… But my heart knew my God, my heart knew His truths, and my heart knew He was ever present, ever loving and ever forgiving. I knew He wanted me right where I was- and no man or woman, regardless of who they were- were going to pull me away from that.

God broke me down to the very core, pulled out my self confidence issues, my bitterness, my fear of leaving, my hurt and burden I held onto for so long about my grandparents, my father and my brother and sisters drug addictions, and the burden I carried of blaming myself for my father leaving, and my mother being addicted to alcohol. God placed His finger on every issue, gently and compassionately and took me from a place of struggle and desperation, to a place of triumph and breakthrough. This process took me three years all up, I found myself in a new season of praise, glorification and thankfulness… God had taken me, a broken thing, and made me beautiful. I left a relationship I had been in for almost 4 years, realising that it wasn’t what God desired for me, and that He had planned greater things for my life.

I stepped into our churches music team, and God took my giftings of praise and worship, and put them to use of glorifying Him every Sunday, and also my intense passion for childrens ministry, and I grew over two years into the head of our churches childrens ministry. It was amazing, God was taking my deepest passions and turning them into gifting to honour Him. Finally…. My purpose.  I began my involvement with an amazing ministry called CYC Ministries Victoria. Working on camps for underprivileged children and teens, providing them with week long camps introducing them to who God is and giving them the positive experience of what life can be like. Blessing them, loving them, and accepting them just as they are.

The year passed, it was a great year… God spent our relationship growing me, changing me and transforming me continually, He brought me to a place of intimacy where I found myself simply head over heels for Him, and I loved it. Then, the following year, my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer… BOOM. My first big trial since knowing God—- For weeks I struggled… ”God how do I get through this, I’m not strong enough to lose another parent…” His response was forever “My child, don’t carry the weight, it’s not yours alone.” God reminded me constantly through the situation that He was in control, and that as I laid the situation in His hands, that it allowed Him to soothe me, speak to me, and to see a light in this illness. My mum had spent her entire life looking after everyone else- and was now in a vulnerable place where she HAD TO ask for help. We spent more time together than normal, I would sit with her and read devotional stories from my daily devotions book. I would find inspirational films that we could watch together… I knew God had brought this situation around to soften her heart, and that He would use me to be the physical example of His hope for her. And so I set my servant heart and tuned myself to His teachings, I allowed The Holy Spirit to guide me, and I listened tentatively to His every word and leading. I shared the gospel when I felt led to, and prayed when I felt that was what was being asked of me. My church stood behind me in prayer for healing and restoration, my youth group, the seniors group, the young adults, the womens and mens prayer groups- churches from other areas stood behind us in faith and belief. My mum struggled through chemotherapy, and after two and a half years, she completely beat the illness. A year and three quarters later, she returned to work… Praise God- He has brought me and my family through a great trial, and strengthened my relationship with Her. He has made a way for me to plant the seed in her heart, and I have faith that He is growing it.

Then July 16th 2011.. My mum is diagnosed with breast cancer… BOOM. We are hit again, and the attempt to knock us down happens again… My first reaction was “SERIOUSLY GOD.. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?” Followed by many hours of crying- later… I realise, I am prepared, and I am currently battling this situation with prayer and understanding. I have come to the knowledge through a great amount of prayer and speaking with my mentor that perhaps this is the only way she will come to know Him, through being broken down in order to understand that she isn’t strong enough to do everything on her own… But there is a God and Saviour who can strengthen her. She is currently very unwell, and the cancer has spread into her lymph nodes- we have had three operations, she is now left breast-free, and the lymph nodes under her arms are gone- she is covered in scars and bruising- but my God went to the cross to take sickness, affirmatives and illness- and rose to provide us with healing, restoration and recovery. She has had moments where she has wanted to give up- and the selfish side of me says ‘NO DON’T GIVE UP’ …. but God is constantly reminding me that He needs to break the strong, in order for them to realise He is what true strength is. I no longer pray for healing for my mum, but for God’s will to be done in the situation. Her illness has brought restoration of our family, and through her battling with cancer, my oldest sister has made a commitment to become clean and sober- through the grace of God- she has come to know Him at a Christian wellness centre that my church had booked her into.

Through trial, difficult time, painful moments, sickness and all that this world may throw at me, I know my God is able, and I know from great and many experience, that His word and faithfulness remains pure, steadfast and true. I know my God will bring forth His will and continue to lavish His love and peace upon my family and my situation. I know and believe in faith that my mum will come to know Christ through these trials, and that He will make a way for her to meet Him. I am encouraged daily through His comfort and compassion for me as I am human and I walk through this difficult time- He does not abandon me, nor forsake me, but He lifts me and upholds me in His right hand, and shelters me beneath His wings of love and mercy.

My God is big, my God is awesome and my God will forever be my God.
Though hard times may be great, my God is greater… And He is waiting for YOU!


Christian songs I love:
How He loves - Jesus Culture.
Refiners Fire - Brian Doerkson.
The Motions - Matthew West.
Madly in love with you - Sean McConnell.
Before the morning - Josh Wilson.
No sweeter name - Abbey Merkel.


Some of my favourite scriptures:
Romans 12:1-2
Psalms 89:1
Galatians 2:20
Isaiah 53:5
Philippians 3:7-8
Luke 10:19
Psalms 1:1-3
Philippians 4:4-8
Revelation 1:8